so this is becoming a sort of habit- the blog gets updated as andrea loses sleep. brilliant.
so how was everyone's labor day weekend? mine mildly sucked. i labored. i always work saturdays (which i loathe, though i love my job), and PACE was open on monday, so i worked. only getting one day off is a pain in the ass. not good for one's mood.
also not good for one's mood: clothes shopping, which i attempted today. i found it much, much easier to buy clothing when i shopped in the plus size stores. i don't get why it all has to be aggravating. then when i was on the bus home, there was an ad up above the windows that said, "don't weigh your self-esteem."it was sponsored by the five-colleges and had pictures of people's feet on scales. yeah, i'll get right on that one, buddy. what is that supposed to mean? i mean, i get the intent, but is someone really going to cease his or her eating disorder because of that sign? all it did for me was to make me feel a little more humiliated. i don't know why, considering no one was berating me but me.
my boss and i are leaving for graham webb academy in new york at the asscrack of dawn on sunday morning. it's going to be really educational and fun, and great for my career and all, but i really really really really just need a damn vacation. after i got better, i went straight back to work. so really, even though i had a couple months off being sick, it was no vacation to speak of. i don't reckon i'll get a real vacation until next summer. i'd like to go away somewhere or something, but yes, that does take money, which i do not have.
i have been completely avoiding my doctors. it's a very bad thing to do, especially when they're trying to follow up with you after you've had a major procedure such as a stem cell transplant. but i was able to finally get in touch with my local oncologist's office to tell them I'M NOT DEAD. i allowed them to schedule an appointment for me, which prompted me to then get off my lazy ass and reschedule my dana farber appointment which was supposed to be for next week, for the beginning of october, i'll have a cat scan there sometime in the middle of all that. that's the scary part-we'll see if it's all working out ok. i really kind of don't want to know. i'm not quite sure what i'd do, both literally and figuratively, if things were not to be ok. it causes a lot of worry. sleepless nights, like this one.
i have to take solace in the small consolation that i kicked ass at poker night tonight, and that graham webb academy will be awesome. and that i have hair again. multi-colored hair. the best kind.
speaking of my hair, i never did have that festivity to celebrate its return. (i really just didn't want the hubris of a cancer-free party.) i am thinking of instead just having a birthday thingie-- on sept. 18th, 2 days before my birthday, my buddy seth horan is playing at the basement in noho. it will be my main celebration, i think, or maybe i'll have it at open mic on my actual birthday. actually, what will likely happen is that i'll get drunk and refuse presents and generally be unhappy. that's how my birthdays usually go.
ain't self-loathing grand?
